Psalm 126:5

I used to carry this verse with me, in my heart, on paper for years. I believe I found it in high school and it no doubt lasted as a reminder throughout my early years of college. It was my Instagram bio and my lock screen. When I think of it now, I believe it has come to pass in my life. Albeit, not in the way I would expect or have hoped. Sow in tears, reap enjoy; it correlates to bipolar disorder and its everlasting ups sand downs. Sometimes the joy is much greater than previous tears. Sometimes the tears outweigh the joy to come. And sometimes the exact amount of tears I've sown reaps its equivalent in my joy. This verse has been and continues to be fulfilled in me. At the time of my finding and reliance on this verse, I believe that one day, all the tears, pain, and depression I have endured would turn into such marvelous bliss and joy and grand favor. I thought my depression might come to an end, never to be heard from again. Well, that seemed to be the case when I had my first manic episode. My first diagnosable one, at least. It's true, I never remained in depression ever. I had my days, weeks, months of its presence, and for certain times I would feel perfectly fine and dandy, ecstatic. It never occurred to me that this was anything outside of my own specific depressive frequencies or episodes. But that's just what it was: episodes. Maybe because the depression always hurt more than I could count my joys. Now, many of my joys are so high I can count to 1,000,007 every day and still have time for laughter and dancing. God likes irony, I see. He fulfills in ways unexpected. And He always finds a way to have a good laugh. We are alike in this way. Thank you God for the fulfillment of your word! Though it may not be in the way I thought/hoped/expected, it has been made true. And the truth is something I can cling to.