More Than Just Okay

Sometimes I think about the trajectory of my life and the reality of the present. Okay, more than sometimes. All the time. Then I realize it isn't enough to be okay. To be mentally stable, not afflicted by sadness or anxiety. Not for me at least. See, I always think that once this happens or that stops that I will be satisfied. But I find myself constantly wanting for more. And is this such a bad thing? I deserve it all! I truly believe that. When I get what I desire, I am appeased. Then a desire for something else arises within me. Not just speaking materially either. I always want more for myself. To be better, smarter, more loving, more capable. I want to read more, to write more, to see and experience more, to have more love and laughter in my life. And of course, I want more money, more clothes, more recognition of my efforts, more jewelry and genuine people in my life. My life isn’t awful now is it? No. It's okay. Of course, I can complain, but I can also be extremely grateful. Which I am. But it never seems to be enough. Though my gratitude and appreciation are never stunted, neither are my desires. Is this a good way to live? Never just okay with being okay. Yes. It does get exhausting, but it keeps the fire under my ass so that I may one day find myself on Jupiter. I work and work and work towards my desires, not knowing whether the ones I'm currently chasing will be enough for me. Probably not. But at least I have something to do. And of course, there are the things that I thought I wanted, but ended up being the complete opposite. I do not get upset at such occurrences. Rather, I make peace with the fact that I am trying. Trying to be the best I can be. And how could I know that that thing wouldn't lead me there. I can have all the discernment in the world, but if I don't have opportunities to test it out and to sometimes fail, how will I ever grow. So I take heed to the voice inside my head telling me I should do this and do that. Of course, I take the suggestions with a grain of salt and of course, I measure out the outcomes. But when it comes to my goals, oh honey, I won't stop until the goalpost gets tired of moving. And even then, I'll carry it on my back and if my back breaks, I'm rolling my way to my “more than just okay.”