Fix Your View, Ants For True

I often find myself withholding air, breathing infrequently or very slowly, not noticing until my chest gets tight and my head gets light. I swallow gulpfulls of climate for regulation. I believe my lungs wait for permission to expand, scared to inflate deflate without my knowing. Afraid of the reaction I’ll have to information of my automatic sustenance.

How dare my own body betray me?

So as with all, my permission is necessary to do and function and exist. Nothing does outside of my awareness.

Even necessary automaticity fears my acknowledgement. This begs the question, do I fear the acknowledgment I so rightfully deserve? Why or why not? “Acceptance of life,” my gut responds. Such demands participation in duty.

Can one maintain vitality without urge or fulfillment of involvement and contribution? If not to others or society, to one’s self in the least.

Dysfunction of the sorts contributes to dysfunction of mind. What one knows vs. what one does vs. what one believes one should do. Gaps between an outer and inner world will inevitably resort in distress. A duty of man is to close the gap to the fullest extent possible while somehow remaining a well member of society. A concept Carl Jung coined “individuation.” Integration and acceptance.

Though contradictory to the processes of society itself. A society built on lies and fraud and chaos and war and corruption while claiming to promote peace and love and community and respect and morality.

So, even with closed gaps, society can and most likely will fail to align. Better put: society may even serve as the epitome of Jung’s suggestion of individuation. The self: a layered madness of rights and wrongs, goods and bads, thises and thats, here and there, square or pear, circle purple nurple. Society, being the disciple it is, encompasses paradox. With such an example it is important to remember that society is not all there is, but a manifestation of the shadows we tend to hide and the fronts we seek to put up.

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Dostovesky proposes there must be a higher power, a God of sorts, an infinite being to which we must adhere to that actually is all of what society claims to be and tries to be, all that we feign to be and sometimes are.

Is that then the ultimate good we must remain a well member of? Are we to subject ourselves to comparison to perfection?

I think not. If this God is indeed creator of all,  and indeed crafted me with all my goods and flaws and shadows and consciousness and sub and un and thises and thats, why use God as a framework for what I should be?

Where is the individuation in perfection? Individuation is perfection, no? Where is the integration and acceptance of what I already am? Does not this ultimate good, God, craft and curate exceptionally so? Does not this God fail to make mistakes? Isn’t this God perfect?

Yet many compare themselves and others to such a power as the all-being, all-knowing, all-good, all-perfect.

For we will always fall by no fault of our own, but by the very nature of humanity. The humanity such a being made with these specific faults. Almost as if not faults at all.